Dear Toaster, you're a pretty simple contraption. So how come you can't make an even piece of toast? It's a relatively easy job. No one is asking you to save the world. Just make nicely browned bread.
Dear Carpet, I am sorry that my son is determined to devour you.
Dear Grocery Stores, Why are there always more employees walking around than at the checkout?
Dear Tupperware, Could you sound a warning when you're not fully closed and I'm about to shake you? That would be helpful.
Dear Cheese Dip, You are my nemesis.
Dear Brand New Jeans, I was looking for a new top, but I'm so glad I found you instead. Thank you for knowing what I truly need.
Ryan Quote of the Week:
I'll roll down the windows. That way the photos aren't tinted