Dear Dentist Office, Thank you for giving me a toothbrush at each visit so I have a spare when I drop mine in the trashcan. P.S. The new one is weird. The old kind you gave out was better.
Dear Yoga Masters, Step aside. My husband is creating new yoga poses. His two favorite poses are called The Bronze Turtle and The Sleepy Egg Yolk.
Dear Snow, At this rate, Virginia Beach is going to have school until 4th of July. Not that it matters to me, but I want my friends to stay sane.
Dear Grocery Pickup, You're pretty much the greatest thing ever. One small suggestion: find a way to fit more than 2 items in each plastic bag. I don't care if my potato chips are in the same bag as my deoderant. I'm dumping it all out on the kitchen counter as soon as I get home anyway.
And a few sassy Ryan quotes:
You can go tell that Powersheets progress bar to suck it!
You need to tell that algorithm who's boss.
He's wearing gift wrap.