Our Story: I Now Pronounce You... Not Compatible

I love a good love story. And that’s why I love nothing better than having a couple sit on my couch and tell me how their love story began. That simple question, “What’s your story?” brings smiles like no other as, in a split second, moments of their relationship pass by their eyes. The feeling of butterflies, the first kiss, the moment he knew she was the one. Hearing a couple tell their story tells you so much about who they are. So Ryan and I wanted to share our story too. From first crush to first day as Mr. & Mrs.

Part 1: When Boy Meets Girl
Part 2: Code Words & Crushes
Part 3: Class Rings & Field Trips
Part 4: A Christmas Gift
Part 5: The First Date Mistake
Part 6: Graduation Day
Part 7: Student IDs, Scantrons, & Schedules
Part 8: A Month Apart
Part 9: A Proposal
Part 10: I Now Pronounce You... Not Compatible
Part 11: Commencement
Part 12: A Lumpy Blue Couch
Part 13: Our Wedding Day


The next year of our lives was a whirlwind of planning and to do lists. My obsession with organizations and lists meant I was a very happy bride to be! We chose a date, one year and 5 days after the proposal. We asked our youth pastor to marry us, because he had been such an influential person in our lives. I went dress shopping. We chose songs for the ceremony and the reception. We printed the invitations, changed the ceremony start time, and printed the invitations again. I spent hours compiling and writing the text for our entire ceremony. And then a personality test told us we were not compatible.

We had enjoyed our premarital counseling up until that point. We had soaked it all in: the advice from another couple, the information about finances, and the reading assignments. So when it was time to take a personality test, we dove in with enthusiasm to determine which of the complicated sounding categories each of us fell under: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, or phlegmatic.

When the test was finished, the results were undeniable. We were both phlegmatic; calm, private, reliable, caring, and tolerant. Seeking a quiet and peaceful atmosphere.

Ryan and I were proud of our result. Phelgmatic people were faithful friends and thoughtful, caring people.

But before we could throw confetti and celebrate what awesome people we were, they dropped a bomb on us. We were too similar. (After being married nearly 5 years, we’d like to contest that being too similar is not actually a problem!)

According to the test, as two phlegmatic people, we were not compatible because we were both non-confrontational. Our mutual desire for a quiet and peaceful atmosphere would mean we would both avoid conflict and nothing would ever be dealt with or resolved. According to the test… we wouldn’t make it.

This news went against everything we had ever felt about our relationship. Our similarities were strengths and not weaknesses. How could two people who got along so well be considered not compatible by such a short test? Problem solving and communication were just two aspects of our entire relationship. We were certainly not doomed to failure. And there wasn’t a personality test in the world that could have convinced us to call off our wedding. 
In the end, we decided to take the personality test as a warning to become better communicators for the sake of our marriage. Because we knew that the personality test didn’t determine our lives. Our actions did.

Engagement photo by Rebecca Franklin Photography

Engagement photo by Rebecca Franklin Photography