Monday Musings: Ryan's Quotes of the Week

Ryan has been saying so many funny things lately. So today we're skipping the musings and going straight to everyone's favorite part. Here's what you've been missing from Ryan:

I want you to watch as all your dreams get poured away. (He said this to our cat, guys!)

Yeah, you've got a water cannon up your butt.

That bush is trying to be a mailbox.

Successful dmv trip... We left angry!

I was going to suggest that, but I didn't want to mansplain your problems.

It's like feeding a seagull tostitoes.

Monday Musings

Some things I wonder about:

Why do car companies keep trying to market to me on Instagram? I can't tell the difference between a Toyota and a Porsche.

Am I a successful adult even thought I don't know how to vacuum a room and keep all the rug marks facing the right direction?

Am I an embarrassment to my college French professors if I call macarons ‘hamburgers’, pronounced like Steve Martin does in Pink Panther? Ryan started it years ago and it's just so cute that I can't help myself.

Do the people who make horror movies have nightmares or are they desensitized to scary things?

Why are they only just now making bun-length hotdogs? Who decided to make hotdogs shorter in the first place?

Ryan's Quotes of the Week:
I'm more of a mallard guy.
Before you crack open the nerd juice...
Half tourist trap. Half restaurant soaked in gravy.

Monday Musings

Some things I wonder about:

Am I still a rule follower if I put food in the oven when it's still pre-heating?

How am I going to explain to my son what phone books are? It seems kinda creepy to have access to everyone's phone number now.

Why is it that back to school supplies show up at the store 2 weeks after summer break starts?

Is it just me or is Pinterest getting less helpful? It's so full of unattainable things. I don't have the energy to make perfect 3 course dinners or design a perfect living room or dress like a fashion blogger.

Why do grape and orange flavored things taste so bad?

If setting 3 on the toaster burns the bread , what are the higher settings for?

Coffee and milk are both breakfast beverages, so why can't I have coffee ice cream for breakfast?

Is it just a creative small business thing, or is the business card dying?

Ryan's Quotes of the Week:
Isn't celery always sad?
They're basically throwing a rager.
Do I look like a measuring cup? 

Monday Musings: Ryan Quotes

Ryan has been saying so many funny things lately. So today we're skipping the musings and going straight to everyone's favorite part. Here's what you've been missing from Ryan:

Tradition. Cue fiddlers. Go go go.
Dat swamp juice.
Demon cotton ice cubes.
Either that or we have a pizza rat.
You win two mounties and a maple tree.
You just used two adjectives I don't like to hear about cereal.

Any guesses when or where he dropped this conversation bombs?

Monday Musings

Dear Curling, I want to apologize for being so harsh on you the last few years. You're kind of a mashup of bowling, billiards, and chess - 3 things I'd find incredibly boring to watch on TV. But you're really not bad!

Dear Trash Truck, Thank you for providing entertainment for my busy child, even if it's just a few moments each week.

Dear Oven, Since Ryan and I disagree about whether or not we should put food in an oven that's still preheating and thus throw off the expected bake time, I thought you might want to weigh in. How do you feel? Is it rude to ask you to start working before you're properly warmed up or do you appreciate the time saving factor?

Dear Sweet Tooth, Can we arrange for you to take a little vacation for a few weeks? I'd rather not put any of that baby weight back on.

Dear Play Kitchens, How are you so compelling to toddlers and adults at the same time? 

Dear Audio Books, Thank you for dragging my husband into the world of book-lovers. He's really been missing out.

Ryan Quotes of the Week:
I think it's pronounced Dat Leany.
Alright I lied. She doesn't like the smell of your face.
He's basically a walking air freshener... Air defresher.

Monday Musings

Dear Dentist Office, Thank you for giving me a toothbrush at each visit so I have a spare when I drop mine in the trashcan. P.S. The new one is weird. The old kind you gave out was better.

Dear Yoga Masters, Step aside. My husband is creating new yoga poses. His two favorite poses are called The Bronze Turtle and The Sleepy Egg Yolk.

Dear Snow, At this rate, Virginia Beach is going to have school until 4th of July. Not that it matters to me, but I want my friends to stay sane.

Dear Grocery Pickup, You're pretty much the greatest thing ever. One small suggestion: find a way to fit more than 2 items in each plastic bag. I don't care if my potato chips are in the same bag as my deoderant. I'm dumping it all out on the kitchen counter as soon as I get home anyway.

And a few sassy Ryan quotes:
You can go tell that Powersheets progress bar to suck it!
You need to tell that algorithm who's boss.
He's wearing gift wrap.